052 – Mini Musing: Holding a Vision with Taylor McFarlane

Sarah Tacy 0:05
Hello, welcome. I’m Sarah Tacy. And this is threshold moments, the podcast where guests and I share stories about the process of updating into truer versions of ourselves. The path is unknown. And the poll feels real. Together we share our grief, laughter, love, and life saving tools. Join us

Sarah Tacy 0:39
Hello, welcome to threshold moments. Today is the 13th. One day before Valentine’s Day, this episode I asked my dear friend, Taylor McFarland to come on and share with us the vision that she held for me, and I asked her if I could do the same for her. And if I were to give you a quick overview, there was a day in which we went for a walk in which she gave me a vision that I wasn’t yet ready to hold for myself, or I hadn’t seen myself I couldn’t see from the place of despair I was in. And she held the vision of a more beautiful world, for me a more beautiful possibility. And it was honest, and it was filled with love. And a few months later, I had the opportunity to do the same for her. When she refers to Mike or Michael, she is referring to Michael Leary who was my first guest on this podcast, he was a trainer that we both worked out with for quite some time. And I would say he was lifesaving. Just a really incredible human being. So you could always back, go back and listen to that episode one. And when you listen to the letter that I wrote to Taylor, I think that it will be obvious. And it will make sense as I speak in a symbolic way about emotional anatomy. And if you wanted anything to back that up, you can go back and see the emotional anatomy episode, which is episode 49. In this, we also refer to the Imbolc episode with Jennifer Fox, which talks about the ritual of writing a love letter to yourself your future self, one year from now and this idea of writing with love and compassion that you would open a year later. So we’re highlighting, you can do this, you can do this thing where you write a love letter to yourself. And this one is asking a friend, or someone you love or someone you honor, if you could see a more beautiful world for me, if you wanted to highlight something about me that I might not see. So clearly for myself, what would it be? And could I do this in return for you? Taylor highlights that we didn’t do this as a formal exchange, but that it happened really naturally, which she highlights as being a really beautiful thing. But I’m going to offer that this could be an incredible ritual to do with loved ones around Valentine’s Day. Just another way to appreciate and the idea of holding a vision is not critiquing. It’s not that we’re doing something wrong. It’s, again, holding someone with such love and reverence and imagining into a more beautiful world that is in resonance with the one that you love, when you know that they’re in their highest alignment. And I think you’ll hear that in our letter. So without further ado, here’s the episode with Taylor MacFarlane, US exchanging our letters, which is called holding a vision and I invite you to do the same with somebody in your life if it feels appropriate. Enjoy

Sarah Tacy 4:09
Welcome to threshold moments, my name is Sarah Tec today we have with us Taylor McFarlane. I’m gonna say a thing or two about Taylor. This is a mini music, not a full interview. So I will briefly introduce to you who Taylor is to me. Taylor and I met at an open house over eight years ago. We were just looking for comparative prices. So we walk into this house, it’s an open house and there’s just this sexy goddess and a pencil skirt and a white top. And she’s just being brutally honest, and like a loving, open hearted way like the house was a little interesting and there was like a really small oven and there’s like a vaulted ceiling and it opened up at the top of the vaulted ceiling to the master bedrooms so that if you were to go up the stairs, the master bedroom had like this open window to the kitchen down and watch dinner. And you are just like, I don’t know what they were thinking with this, it was like this chick trying to sell the house or because she was just being real honest. But I really, I actually think that was part of your success. And what you do. So Taylor, in current time in place is an incredible mother, friend, wife, and incredible real estate agent as well. And I would say part of that is her honesty, her vision, her problem solving her humor, her love, or her ability to follow up with people. And I definitely want to tell a little bit more story about Taylor just also say, then we end up finding out like, oh, my gosh, we trained with the same yoga teachers then that she lived with the teachers that I used to be with weekly, but I would also tell you like her commitment to something like, I’m not just gonna go down and study with them, I’m gonna move in with them. And then they’re also going to be the people who are the ceremonial lists for our wedding. And, yeah, she owned a yoga studio. Yeah, you just have such a wide range of what you could do. And then I always say that she was almost an Olympic swimmer, then that’s associated with you

Taylor McFarlane 6:15
describe the type of swimmer iOS makes me makes it sound better.

Sarah Tacy 6:19
She’s incredible. So what this podcast is about is it’s we’re landing very close to February 14. And I know for a lot of people, instead of doing something with a date, they might also or only do something for a gallon tines day, or something where you’re showing love between friends. And there was one day where Taylor and I were taking a walk, she had COVID, I had had COVID, not too long before that. So we were on an outdoor walk. And it was really nice that it like kind of carved out time. Because otherwise I feel like there wouldn’t have been that availability. And I was in a place where I was doing a lot of finger pointing at like, why my life wasn’t working out. And I was probably blaming my husband for some of it. And I think oftentimes, like a good friend will just listen. And every now and then a good friend also might say something as a possible vision of something that could be better. And this was a day where Taylor shared a vision for me. And sometimes Bridget, my mentor will do this as well, where when we’re in a certain state, it can be hard to see the possibility of something better or something different. So to have someone you love and trust, do that for you. Or hold it for you can be such a gift. And me being the awkward friend that I am like that was so beautiful. Can you go home and write that in a letter to me? Also, I love you. And you agreed to allow me to read it. And then then we’ll flip the mic. Because then there was a time later on where we were working out together, I’ll let you enter that before yours. And I think often I try just to like hold my tongue and listen and I think maybe this time I said something and then maybe like hey, can you send that to me in a letter so we call this holding a vision.

Unknown Speaker 8:27
And this might make me cry.

Sarah Tacy 8:28
A simple reminder to you of your strengths. You Sarah tasty, are one of the most magnificent, humble, brilliant, kind. Dammit tailor, caring, empathetic, thoughtful and wonderful humans. You have an unparalleled ability to make those around you feel seen, feel heard and feel loved. Your ability to offer insightful advice is remarkable. And can also be life changing. You listen to people’s words, you read their bodies, you create a sacred space for them to open into. And most importantly, you make people feel loved. My vision for you is for you to feel supported in these same ways yourself. I see the entire dynamic of all of your familial relationships shifting when you become your own priority. And believe you too, are worthy of living the life you want to. That was a two T O that you want as well. It is not the same as you taking care of everyone else and fitting in self care for yourself as a way to stay afloat. I see a beautiful world in which you choose to take a risk. Trust you already have enough knowledge in you to make a difference and create a life for yourself outside of your life. As a mother and a wife is rewarded with more ease in your home life, I see you believing in what you’re doing, letting the need for more. He still for a while. As you’re exploring the brilliance of what you already know, and reveling and how profound sharing that knowledge with those need could be, I can see a world in which your girls are in care, at least several full days a week, and you have the days to prioritize whatever path it is you choose to take. And you just try one, and you rely on whomever to help you with housework. Or you and Steve do it together, it is a team effort, because you’ve got shit to do to, and you have a purpose, and you love this new work. I feel and understand your hesitancy to move forward with finding a vision while everything at home is seemingly so hard. And to be doing everything without the added backing of rest. I can’t imagine. However, I can see the value of prioritizing yourself. And I can see how finding a purpose outside of the house may enable you to support your home life in a different way. Something else to take your attention and less time to dwell on the pain points. To show up for your family in a way that you are fulfilling a part of you that has been empty for so long, changing the vibe. I don’t think it’s a miracle answer. However, perhaps it gives you an enlightened sense of confidence. And that confidence inspires the girls to stand on their own two legs more confidently and again, all dynamic shift. The world is missing out. Yogi’s are missing out, businesses are missing out hearts are missing out. What you offer is beyond words. It says valuable and irreplaceable. My hope for the world is that they get more very tasty. I love you. I

Taylor McFarlane 12:06
was brutally honest.

Sarah Tacy 12:10
Well, as I’m reading it, I’m also just thinking, I know some of the people who are listening. And I think that that letter that you wrote to me is the letter that so many people who identify as women or were holding that role at home, could probably take right into their own heart as well if it feels fitting.

Taylor McFarlane 12:32
So I was like, well listen to some of my own words here.

Sarah Tacy 12:37
It’s generally the case, right? Like the advice we give is actually just the advice we need. Usually

Taylor McFarlane 12:42
always this, I think that just goes to speak to how just women in community like there’s so much that goes unsaid and unseen. And it’s not until you hear the words or hear a reflection that you’re like, Oh, me too. And it can be such a universal experience. And I think is why it can be so profound and healing for women to circle with women. Because it is such a, it’s a much easier place to feel seen and held. I’m thinking

Sarah Tacy 13:14
about how online, there are all of these women coming out and having these like really like millions of people following them as they make jokes kind of about the unseen work of women, and they have these little parodies that they do and then people start sending it around. And it kind of seems like step one, to just say, Oh, this is a universal thing. A lot of people are experiencing this. And then Sarah Jenks might seem like but we don’t want to normalize it. Because then if we just keep joking about it, then we’re also normalizing like, Oh, this is the way it is. And so what I appreciate about what you just said is that when you’re in circle with women, is not just a joke. It’s like you get to say the thing, and you get to dream into a new vision. And so they aren’t steps that are so far away from each other. They’re closer to say me too. And this is actually a pain point. And what are we going to do to make a difference? Huh? When we actually circle in person? Yeah, we’re here on threshold moments. You also added the poem fire by Judy Brown, but I feel like I want to hear your voice first. And so I’m wondering if you would share a little bit about I feel like the letter I wrote to you might be a little confusing, because there’s like some emotional anatomy in it like symbolism. And so I’m not sure it will make as much sense. But I’m wondering if you’d be willing to share a little bit of, you know, what you were experiencing only to the point that you’re willing, and you have there.

Taylor McFarlane 14:50
Yeah. So and I think what’s so beautiful about this kind of exchange of letters is it wasn’t a here I did this Are you can you do this for me, it was a genuine like, here’s this vision for you. And I think it was several months later that I asked for one in return, because it was a day at Michaels, and actually was settlements later because I originally thought everything was related to the COVID I had when we originally walked. And so I post COVID went for many months through this kind of horrible exploratory mission of trying to find out what was wrong with my body, I had like really, really severe pain in my low back that radiated down to like my legs and my knees, and really just all of my joints. And like I could not sit in the car without like needing constant movement in my legs and rubbing my muscles. And it was just super uncomfortable. And I went to acupuncture, I went to a chiropractor, I went to my real doctor, primary care, I did everything. And for a while everyone just kind of came to the consensus that it wasn’t long COVID. And then my primary care was like, alright, well, let’s take some MRIs. And that showed normal, it’s the first time I got introduced to the fact that I’m actually aging, like, Oh, you’re just aging. This is not what aging feels like. Thank you, though. So MRIs and all that later, they were kind of just like, I really, I think it’s long COVID. And then I was introduced or reintroduced to someone in the physical therapy world, at live vital to nope, who finally kind of figured out what it was, and then then got confirmed by a doctor. And so it was the, quote, diagnosis that you refer to in here. And that was ailleurs downloads, which is essentially, when your joints are hyper mobile. And then there’s a lack of strength in the core. So post, having my second child never quite did the focus on getting back to my center and my core. And so it was a combination of those pieces that just was really a destabilization of my body in general and had gotten to a point where it was just kind of incredibly painful. And you were there for a lot of experiencing and witnessing that, especially during my workouts. And it just became an incredibly defeating and incredibly exhausting process. And I don’t quite remember what the impetus was, but I’m pretty sure there were some tears, Michaels have just, oh my god, I can’t do this anymore. This is horrible to not feel like you can embody yourself and like your own skin in a way that is comfortable is exhausting and defeating. And so I had recently found this out and there was like this completely new, oh, my gosh, I have an answer. I don’t even care if I don’t feel better. I know what it is. And there’s something I can do about it. And it was at that point that you held this vision for me. And so I will read to the woman with great capacity. May you remember to come back to your center may remember that your know is even more powerful than your Yes. may remember that you’re enough already. As a woman who could do so much. In fact, more than most may refine your choice over and over and over again. May you hold empty space, that part’s in bold. Your Capacity is reflected in your breath retention, your Deewan swimming, your town records, the birth rate of your mobility, the success of your business, your connection with so many friends and the number of events you host. Your recent diagnosis perhaps is a reminder that the way back to feeling good is by coming back to your core desires. To not fall into all the things you can do, but to choose the ones you deeply want. That bend in your knees gives the body buoyancy and Choice versus falling into the yes of mobility that naturally exists in the ankles, knees, hips and back and nervous system. The buoyancy in the knees leads to a neutral pelvis that can respond to pleasure and boundaries instead of being tucked up and closed. The neutral pelvis allows space in your lower back and for your ribs to hang like a bell. What a relief from the impression of holding it all. What if you could float instead, it leaves room for upward and downward flow of energy, heart open but not draining. Rotating from the core to choose what you want more of and what you want less of. Now your ears can come back head back in space. And there you are. Taylor McFarlane present the wise one The one who knows, the one who doesn’t have to fight for anything, the one who knows that it’s already enough, the one who is a magnet for that which she desires and a sounding bell for that which she is not available for. Because this astounding woman can choose, she must choose. And when you choose more of what you want becomes available. Because life, my dear friend is always for you. It always has been. I love yourself, and I love you. So I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve come back to that. And even reading it last night to my husband. It just it shifted the way I was sitting. And it creates a presence and a remembering. And I think that’s, to me, the really beautiful part is it’s just a catalyst for remembering

Sarah Tacy 20:55
makes me want to take this now that it’s printed out and just kind of tape it to my wall. I used to have this piece of paper that floated around for years. And it said, What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail. And I first had that quote in college and the paper would just get lost. And I would never look for it, I would just assume that it would show up the day that I most needed it. And it would and eventually there were tears in it and footprints on it. And then one day it was like Gone, done. And now you know, I feel like I hear the quote here and there. And so when people bring it up, I just pause to hear it. But I feel like with this letter to when we remembered them. I don’t remember why it came up. I don’t know if it was specifically for the podcast, but pulling it back up. And it was like the day I opened it

Taylor McFarlane 21:49
up, I really needed it again.

Sarah Tacy 21:51
Because I think any vision that we hold, not generally a straight path to it. I mean, I can see myself falling back into all of those patterns. But I can also see that I’ve come a long way.

Taylor McFarlane 22:02
Yeah. And I think it’s somewhat nice you and I had talked briefly about maybe writing a letter to herself, which I think has its own beauty to it. But there’s also something about not having to do it yourself. And to have something that’s been done for you, that really likely gives you the same reminders, if not more. So that to me is the appealing part about or just the nice part about having something that you don’t have to think about. That is just such a potent reflection reminder of where you are and what you can do.

Sarah Tacy 22:39
I have Jennifer Fox on and she guides us through a Imbolc ritual, which has to do with writing one to your future self and writing it with like loving kindness. And the reason why I like both practices do you did this letter was such directness and love. I think that some people do like MDMA ceremonies for the purpose of like, Could I go into the pain points and feel them with love and communicate with love to somebody instead of with like anger or judgment? And in a very sober space? Yeah, you wrote this letter. And I think I did the same for you of just like, really writing from a place of love. And then I would say, can we offer that same love to ourselves? Like, can we give ourselves a theme loving kindness? Because sometimes, it’s easier to offer it to somebody else than it is to ourselves? 100% I’m so glad that I paused on the fire poem, because you said in bold, can you tell me again the words that were in bold?

Taylor McFarlane 23:45
May you hold empty space, just laughing to myself knowing the poem now. So that poem was really for me, it’s what you’re about to say.

Sarah Tacy 23:56
I’m saying I think it’s universal. Because Taylor and I were both yoga teachers another way that we got to know each other. So there was a the house thing that happened. And then we realized that I was moving into the neighborhood that you grew up in. And then we realized we had mutual friends. And then we realized that we both trained with Mitchell and Tracy, and then you were about to give birth to your first child. And I was just postpartum, but postpartum enough that I was going to take over your classes and we started alternating weeks when you came back. And so we kind of shared the yoga world for a little bit, but not enough that I don’t think that you know that this poem was a poem. I mean, it’s such a good poem to read as a yoga teacher, so it’s probably not that unique. But when you attach this as I go, this Oh, it was like, you know, such an essence when I was in when I was in New York. It was just something I came back to often and so I will read the poem that you attached and just kind of giggle that I kind of highlighted that. So here we go. A fire by Judy Brown. What makes a fire burn is space between the logs. A breathing space, too much of a good thing too many logs packed into tight can douse the flames almost as surely as a pail of water would. So building fires requires the attention to the space in between as much as to the wood. When we’re able to build open spaces in the same way, we have learned to pile on the logs, then we can come to see how it is fuel, and the absence of fuel to gather that make fire possible. We only need to lay a log lightly. From time to time a fire grows simply because the space is there with openings in which the flame that knows just how it wants to burn. And find its way

Taylor McFarlane 26:10
to God Brown. Still love it so much all these years. Well,

Sarah Tacy 26:20
thank you, Taylor McFarlane, thank you for your friendship. Thank you. Oh, you just said Sarah tasty. And I feel like I want to add one more thing, which is when we were gathering and I was leaning into this idea that I might come back to my maiden name, you really held that for me to you really helped to have me feel the power that I feel and the remembrance I feel of who I am. When I see they’re tasty. And that I can still have my other last name, or my family or share with my family. But that to claim to really like claim and lean into my maiden name has really been a beautiful thing. And you were a part of that. Thank you.

Taylor McFarlane 27:06
I’m someone that legally changed your name and then a year later said, not for me. I love you. And McFarland.

Sarah Tacy 27:17
Yeah, we get to choose and then choose again, try things on say actually, that doesn’t fit. I’m gonna return that one. Maybe not the whole. Not the marriage. Right. Marriage,

Taylor McFarlane 27:27
kept the marriage return the name.

Sarah Tacy 27:29
Yep. Yeah. All right. Well, I love you so much. Thank you.

Taylor McFarlane 27:35
It was mutual.

Sarah Tacy 27:36
Thank you for sharing your letter, and also sharing it with me. Thank you

Sarah Tacy 27:55
Thank you for tuning in. It’s been such a pleasure. If you’re looking for added support, I’m offering a program that’s totally free called 21 days of untapped support. It’s pretty awesome. It’s very easy. It’s very helpful. You can find it at Sarah tacey.com. And if you love this episode, please subscribe and like apparently it’s wildly useful. So we can just explore what happens when you scroll down to the bottom. Subscribe rate, maybe say a thing or two. If you’re not feeling it, don’t do it. It’s totally fine. I look forward to gathering with you again. Thank you so much.