076 – Adventure Series: Say Goodbye [Scotland 4/5]

Sarah Tacy [00:00:00]:
Hey there. Welcome. You are tuned in to the summer of adventure series here at Threshold Moments where I am sharing bits and pieces of what it means to call in to your life a little bit of adventure. As Misha Schuler would say, there’s possibly adversity and venture that not everything will go exactly as planned. And how do we take those elements of clarity and confusion to help learn more of what brings us alive and who we are. I hope you enjoy this. And please know that this particular series comes out twice a week. So if you want to be notified within your podcast app, please subscribe by pressing the little plus button up in the right hand corner, and you will be notified when these little 20 to 30 minute episodes come out.

Sarah Tacy [00:00:55]:
Enjoy. And if it is fitting for this stage for you and your life, may you find adventure And in your adventures, big or small, may you find yourself. Hello. Welcome. I’m Sarah Tacy, and this is Threshold Moments, a podcast where guests and I share stories about the process of updating into truer versions of ourselves. The path is unknown, and the pull feels real. Together, we share our grief, laughter, love, and life saving tools. Join us.

Sarah Tacy [00:01:44]:
Hello, and welcome to threshold moments. This is part 4, the end of Scotland. If you haven’t listened yet, please tune in to the first four parts, which are preparation, beginning, middle of the Scotland trip. Each part has what I think can be both interesting and fun to listen to, but also lessons along the way, lessons from the way we prepare ourselves for adventure before we even know we’re preparing ourselves just by being curious, just by asking questions, from letting the questions go and live to actual preparation, saying yes to the thing. To the beginning, which for me had to be around, what is vision? How do I see? How do I feel into things? The idea of what we team and what we’re missing when we’ve been teamed in one way for so long. The middle has so much to do with ceremony and having a plan, but then going with the flow and the magic that can come as we go with the flow and the choices that we make to be more authentic to ourselves. So here and I just like that as a recap, but the story is better. So if you have time to go back and listen, please do.

Sarah Tacy [00:03:05]:
And then you can follow the podcast just by hitting the plus button at the top of the show page. So today, part 4 ending. The official ceremonies are over. The big, you know, Calendlyst stone journey is in the past. And we’re realizing it’s, you know, it’s the last day on the isle of Louis. And as I mentioned that the first time, which happened in the middle, that I really felt my soul land in my body, that I really felt grounded and embodied was once we got the Isle of Lewis, we did a ceremony to introduce ourselves to the land and say our gratitudes. And then myself and Rachel walked down to the ocean through the goose poop and eventually make it. And we see there’s a little sandy entrance, and I told you that we went for a swim.

Sarah Tacy [00:04:08]:
And I told you the story about the selkies. And what I didn’t tell you. And I didn’t omit on purpose, but it’s feeling important now. What I didn’t tell you is that when we got out, we’re like, man, that feels so good. Let’s go back in. But when we went back in, we decided to take our bathing suits off. And when we took our bathing suits off, there was some part of me that came back to life even more. There was some part of me that then remembered the 21 year old self that was in college that said to 2 other girlfriends, hey, let’s take a study break.

Sarah Tacy [00:04:44]:
Let’s get in the ocean. And heading to Mystic, Connecticut, and finding there aren’t really places for us to jump in, but we find this place that’s connected to probably a private yacht club of Sarah. And there’s a side entrance where the beach is. And we decided it would probably be best if we go skinny dipping. And it’s one thing to go at night, which I still think is worth it because it just feels different to be in the water without a tight bathing suit sucking into your body or that feeling of a damp bathing suit on you. There’s something so much more liberating and freeing. But to go in the middle of the day where there’s a little added risk is a whole new thing. And so this beach had kind of the cliffs over to the right and horses and donkeys up in the hills and sheep behind us and really, really long yards before the houses.

Sarah Tacy [00:05:51]:
And the beaches even drop down even more, so you can’t see the houses from there. And there are walking trails and people could walk by and people could pull their car up, but it’s pretty isolated. And I just want to say that there was a part of me that’s like, oh yeah, I remember you. Because if you remember in the middle, there was this feeling of being haggard, exhausted, looking exhausted, looking tired, losing beauty. And this part though, even though it was part of the middle, was just a little bit of remembrance of life, of youth, of risk taking. That’s fun. Not just risk taking, like I’ll do the hard thing. So and in that case, once we got our sweatpants back on and our jackets and our winter hats, people did walk down the dirt road and a car did pull in and we just kind of had it as our own little fun adventure.

Sarah Tacy [00:06:52]:
So now, now we’re on the last day at the Isle of Lewis and the wind is blowing. And I may have told you in the middle that the locals were like, I cannot believe the weather you’ve gotten. This was a miracle. But now we’re leaving and the weather is ripping. And everybody up until that point, it was Rachel and I who were going in the water every day and leave Ginny joined us once. And this is the one where everyone’s going and the weather is the harshest it’s been. But it is clear. I don’t want to say what everyone wants to do.

Sarah Tacy [00:07:36]:
I think some people had some trepidation and some fear, which makes a lot of sense. And so we walked down the long road and we get there and I believe there’s a collective decision. I think most people went skinny dipping. I’m like trying to recall, did anyone have a bathing suit on? I don’t remember. And sharing that only because it’s like more of that feeling of liberation, of wild, of reclamation. And we walk in the water and the water is icy. And again, you just picture these, these cliffs and this clear water and no one to be seen for miles. And these women walking into the water slowly and the water is icy and the breathing is more on purpose.

Sarah Tacy [00:08:32]:
And there are some people who are feeling scared. And so they have partnered up with the ones who feel more stable and more used to this cold water. And so there’s friendship and there’s support and there’s some laughter and there’s some fear and there may have been some tears. I don’t remember. And there was a lot of choice. So some people left earlier from the water and some people stayed in longer. It was really beautiful. And the reason why I stay here a little longer is that in the end, the way I remember it, I remember being in the water with Ellie, who was our kitchen witch, who had really nurtured us and nourished us so well.

Sarah Tacy [00:09:24]:
And I’m not sure if we went back in for a second time or we just stayed in for a pretty long time. And I stand up so that half of my body that had been underwater is above water. And I reach my arms up into the air and probably let out like a hoot or a holler, a yell of joy, and the wind is whipping so hard, but my skin is numb. And generally in the nervous system world, we’d say, when we’re numb, we feel less. But what I felt in this moment was a sense of invincible, even if it’s just for a moment. And if there could be some health to the way that our body numbs sometimes. There could be some health that it’s like, oh, I’ll warm you up just a bit. Like my insides were warm and the outer layer was, like an ice layer, almost like an igloo would be.

Sarah Tacy [00:10:20]:
Right? So that I can then also just feel the sensation of the wind, But I’m not hurt by it. I’m not chilled by it. I felt so alive. I felt so alive, and I felt so empowered, and I felt so connected. And I felt so joyful, and I felt so grateful. And when we leave, we get our we get our, you know, our sweatshirts on and our hats and our mints. And also there were these beautiful scallop shells that would appear almost like in Moana where the ocean would present 1 at a time or just one shell. And over the course, one woman at a time would get a shell.

Sarah Tacy [00:11:07]:
And Ellie was kind enough to share a shell with me. Thank you, Ellie. So, yeah, a shell was found and we get all our stuff together. I think Ellie lost a mitten. I don’t know if that’s important. We start walking, the rain starts coming down, the sleet starts coming down. We walk a little faster and we get inside, we get all cozy. And I am downstairs and Rachel and I are having a conversation about witches, which I may have said on a different episode of this, which comes back to like, who are witches? What does it mean to be a witch? And the conversation went around that as often witches are identified as female.

Sarah Tacy [00:11:57]:
So if you identify as the witch and don’t identify as female, welcome. And in this context, and there was some importance to the feminine aspect, which was that when the feminine or women were held down in society and asked to confine themselves, thinking back to the Falconry episode, to be tamed, to be used for their skills and their services, to forget their wild. We lose such a part of our vitality and that a witch would be a woman who would start to feel and sense into her vitality, into her medicine, into her gifts that she’s here to give in this lifetime. And some of that may be risky and some of it may be wild and some of it may be caretaking and nurturing and mothering. But that generally, as she comes more alive, there are fewer boxes that she’s willing to stay in and fewer people that she’s willing to people please and more risk that she’s willing to take to be fully who she is. And the more she comes alive, the more she tends to free those around her. And the more people that she frees, the more people that feel threatened because the freer one is the less easy they are to control. And we were really feeling and sensing into that and seeing that in dynamics.

Sarah Tacy [00:13:40]:
And as we’re having this beautiful conversation, we hear music going on upstairs and I’m like, Oh, I’m being pulled. I must go upstairs. And what was happening with that Lola and Ginny were cleaning up sacred space and putting away the altars because we’re needing to pack to be out the door real early the next morning. But they’re doing it to music. And before you know it, a dance party has started and there were plans that we would go and see another natural site on this island. And we just keep going. And it reminds me a little bit of 8th grade where it was like, you just keep changing your outfit and trying on new feels and new vibes and this really beautiful energy, which is part of the theme of coming and going as you are called or repelled or called to something else without the need to stay to people, please, or without the need to do anything that is not in alignment with what you’re there to do. And so at one point, Ellie is cooking.

Sarah Tacy [00:14:41]:
And at one point, people go down and eat. And I might change my outfits and change my outfit and go up dance to whatever that vibe is. And then when I’m feeling done, go down and pack a little bit more. And this went on over 3 hours. And there was just this clear understanding that none of us were really wanting to get back into a van to go see a site, even though, yes, we wanna see more sites. We wanna see all of Scotland. But if we’re listening to our bodies right now, nothing could fill us up the way that this movement and togetherness and in and out nature was filling us up. The next morning we leave.

Sarah Tacy [00:15:24]:
So proud of us. We were all in the car by 6:30 am, the house in good shape. And we go to this beautiful lodge. And to get to this beautiful lodge means we take the 3 hour ferry back. We, I think, find something to eat in Inverness in which I heard 2 older people saying, Is there a witch convention in town? And I leaned over back into their table as I was walking by and said, No, this is just who they how they dress and who they are. And. We take this long drive. Like, there’s 1st a highway in.

Sarah Tacy [00:16:09]:
Oh, this seems normal. Like, if you’re trying to get to a new place and we’re making our way back to Edinburgh, but we take this side trail, the 3 really hard left off the highway that seems like it can’t actually be a road. It’s so narrow. Are we sure this is a road? And then we’re on it for hours. Are we sure this is a road? We go over these tiny bridges and through these cow fields and pastures and rolling rivers and mountains. And when I see a house, I’m like, what would they do if they forgot their lemon or a key ingredient? They don’t have neighbors. There are no stores. And eventually we get to this lodge and I believe everyone was teamed up with a partner and every room, you know, has a key that you get to your overnight accommodations from the outside, similar to a motel, but it’s nothing like a motel.

Sarah Tacy [00:17:02]:
It’s beautiful. Each room is unique. And we have dinner that night. And just again, say, like I, I don’t, I did not have sisters growing up. Carol is like a sister to me, but she was not in my house when I was getting ready to go places. And I was mostly dressed, but not feeling fully alive and fully me. And I went into Lola and Ginny’s room and Lola put this leather wrap around my waist that had these individual strings, like leather strings hanging down, and it was sexy and it was tight. And I was like, I don’t it kind of impairs my breathing.

Sarah Tacy [00:17:38]:
She’s like, so breathe from another part of you. Thank you. So I began breathing wide and into my back. And then Ginny put this beautiful, heavy, wide necklace on me. And I just, Yeah. You know, like shopping can be seen and dressing can be seen as vain and shopping can be seen as retail therapy and distraction and not dealing with a real thing. There’s a place for soothing and distracting. And there can be a conscious way of saying, Oh, this is the field I want to be in, or this is how I want the outside to match the inside or the outside to draw this part out of the inside to amplify it.

Sarah Tacy [00:18:22]:
The dinner was beautiful. The night was filled with laughter. I think I’m, like, having a memory right now where we, like, circled up around this rock. I believe it was a full moon. I don’t think that was planned, like, the timing of the trip. And I think we, like, held hands and, like, did a little, you know, circle around it and sang some song. And this man walked by, and he just laughed and thanked us. And it was so great.

Sarah Tacy [00:18:54]:
And the next morning, I’ll say the theme that was arising. And it was arising if you think of how mushrooms have a mycelium network, and you might see a mushroom 10 feet in front of you to the right and 12 feet behind you to the left, and maybe see some directly in front of you, and you think that there are 3 different clumps. But actually, there’s this mycelium network that’s underneath, in which they’re all connected and communicating. So there were these themes that came up that would have different contexts and would seem different, like different people’s lives, lived experiences. But that morning, what was becoming really evident to me was this theme of appreciation. The reticular activating system, which I’ve talked about in many episodes that can be used to help us see possibilities that have always been there, but our conscious brains just aren’t picking them up as important. So we just don’t see it, even if it’s right in front of us. Can also be used for confirmation bias.

Sarah Tacy [00:20:01]:
So if we decide that people are against us, the world is against us, it will pick up the things to support that. But the other thing it does is that if you’re seeing something all the time and it doesn’t see it as a threat, that it will make it so that we stop seeing it. It doesn’t come to our consciousness, which is why gratitude practices can be really important to help amplify the things that we are receiving, the things that are around us, the resources that are around us that we might be missing. We amplify it, we bring it back into consciousness. And so there was this theme that when we see something all the time, we forget to appreciate it. And that for many of us, and probably some of the listeners here, we could think about how often we feel unseen and unappreciated. And so what happens when we choose to be the one who sees and appreciates, It can be seeing and appreciating ourselves and really taking the time to love and appreciate ourselves. It can be to look out at mother nature and treat her the way we wish our kids would treat us.

Sarah Tacy [00:21:18]:
Not like, can’t you give me more? I want this thing. I want it. I have to have it. What am I doing wrong? Give it to me. To be like, oh my God. Thank you. Thank you for all the life that you support. Thank you for all you put up with.

Sarah Tacy [00:21:34]:
How can I serve you? How can I get back to you? Thank you. So amazing. You are so beautiful. I see you. And to our friends who show up for us, to our partners who may not seem perfect and whom we may see all the downfalls before we see the things that we can appreciate. Maybe possibly take time to appreciate it. And as we appreciate them, what does it do for them? But what does it do for us? It’s mutually beneficial. And then it creates connection, which then amplifies the benefit.

Sarah Tacy [00:22:16]:
So we have a morning of this deep appreciation. And again, it does not hurt when you’re looking out at mountains with a stream rolling by with horses, with these white horses that are feeding in the morning right in front of you. And it’s donkeys. So the Latin. Just beauty, beauty, beauty, beauty. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Sarah Tacy [00:22:39]:
Thank you. And on the plan, on our way back to Edinburgh, our last day, our drop off day, we were going to see some more, a natural sight that apparently is also very beautiful. But we see this little store and we’re like, let’s just pull in. And it was so unique and it was cultivated and put together and clarified by the same, I believe the same woman who helped to create this really unique lodge that we had just been at. And again, in the middle of nowhere, even though the lodge had full vacancy and people traveled to be there, We go into the store and they’re not used to seeing too many people that will like really invest in the things that are there And the jewelry and the handmade hats and the some of the handmade clothing were handpicked from different vendors throughout Scotland. So unique. And it felt like a portal. We all got drawn into this portal.

Sarah Tacy [00:23:49]:
And 1 woman in particular, everyone walked out looking a little bit more on the outside, how they felt on the inside. And every item that one of us would bring home, then when we wear it at a different point, it reminds us that of this point in time in Scotland and the feelings and the sensation. And one woman in particular when she left that store. And one of the things that she was wearing was a gift from another one of the women. It was just like, oh, there you are. Hello. She just looked so much more like herself. And we spent enough time at this little store in the side of a mountain that was so uniquely curated that we missed an opportunity to see a natural sight in Scotland.

Sarah Tacy [00:24:46]:
So too bad and bummer. And, also, that was exactly this is exactly the theme of have a plan and then follow what feels true. We did get back to Edinburgh, which was the boundary must happen. We had to say our goodbyes. And I will say that, you know, again, we circled around a tree and did a little sacred closing, intentions check-in, hugs goodbye. Janine and I left first. It felt sad. I’m really good with endings.

Sarah Tacy [00:25:22]:
And when we physically parted ways, there was a part of me that felt pretty bummed. And the place we got dropped off on was the new section of So if you imagine most old towns have the old section that has a very historical feel and the new section where they put in newer stores and wider streets. And from the new section, I could look across, there was a little the city kinda had this valley, so downward hills to this park. And then you could see up the cliff, the top of the church steeple, which had this red glowing light coming out of it. And I go, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember where that is. And then you could see the castle. Oh yeah, yeah.

Sarah Tacy [00:26:08]:
I remember where that is. And I remember that the witchery was right down the street from it. And so we journey down the street across the big intersection through the park, find our way up this winding road that brings us back into the historical section. And the only reason why I’m sharing this is that I find when I first go to a new city, a new place, and I feel unsure, There’s a part of me that feels a little trepidation. Where am I going? I don’t know what’s up. I don’t know the place to eat. I don’t know the places to shop. I don’t know what’s safe.

Sarah Tacy [00:26:45]:
I don’t and to come back for a second time and to have some orientation, to remember certain places and to be able to locate myself within them and navigate even if parts of it where I’ve never navigated the section before, feels really empowering to me. And it reminds me that this is part of adventure. This is part of exploration, being a complete beginner to then having points along the way that helped to stabilize us and helps us to move with a little bit more of readiness and sureness. And here is the end end of my story. The end end of my story is that the only thing I didn’t prepare for was the ride home from the airport to Maine. I had prepared for a ride from Maine to Boston Logan. I had prepared for the hotel I’d get before it started. I had prepared for the hotel I’d have at the end after the retreat was over.

Sarah Tacy [00:27:53]:
I had prepared for every part, but how was I going to get home from Logan? And unfortunately, because my grandfather was feeling ill, my parents came back from Florida and offered to pick me up. And because they offered to pick me up, they also offered to bring me to go see my grandfather. And I wouldn’t have been able to see my grandfather if I had gone home first because everyone at home was sick. And maybe I’ll add this one part, which was on the way home let’s see. As I was still traveling with this caravan of witches, I shared with them that my family had been very sick while I was gone. Steve was sick. Sianna was sick. Sofia was sick.

Sarah Tacy [00:28:47]:
It was not an easy week at home while I was gone. They lost electricity for 3 days. And when we lose electricity here, we also lose internet. And when we lose internet, we have no cell phone service because the cell phone service is so poor here. We rely on connecting to the internet to get cell phone. So he was without cell phone. He was without you know, so if you imagine kids home, often, they might like to watch a movie. Like, that passes 1 or 2 of the hours of the 14 hours that they’re awake.

Sarah Tacy [00:29:26]:
Schools were closed. There was a part of the electrical thing that was happening was that there was an ice storm that came through. And so he was really in it. So I’m sharing 2 different things now in the really in it portion. I had said on the way home, Hey, I’m recognizing the power of this group and I’m wondering if we can hold Steve and the girls in our awareness and the prayer was offered. And well, first, there’s a really good chance that he’s in his initiation right now. He’s in an initiation, but the prayer was offered. May he receive help.

Sarah Tacy [00:30:10]:
May help come before you get home. So that when I got home, it wasn’t just all like, And the other thing that I realized in this in this time was that there would have been previous times in my life when I knew that everybody at home was struggling, that I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy myself on the trip, even though I couldn’t do anything about it from there. You know, I did try like, Oh, who should we reach out to? Who at home could help? And it just turned out like friends were gone. Friends were away. Nobody was there that could help. So a big win for me was that I used to have the, when they’re okay, then I’m okay. And this was not a freezing to how they were. This wasn’t an emotional freeze.

Sarah Tacy [00:30:54]:
I won’t I’ll ignore it. Pretend it’s not happening. I was like, Oh my gosh. That sounds so hard. When we could talk, that sounds so hard. So sorry. Really feel that that’s that’s really hard. So sorry.

Sarah Tacy [00:31:09]:
And I was able to feel really steady and okay in myself. And this is part of the nervous system work that I have been working on for the last couple of years. And so it was really beautiful to see and maybe reflect on on the back end to see that happening. So my parents pick me up. My whole family is sick because I am now well, and my parents are well, I’m able to see my grandfather and I get to say my last goodbye. And it seemed that he was getting better. They found out that there was a certain situation in his body that antibiotics might help. And he was back to consciousness and he was back to chatting and talking and because he was getting better, the last thing I said to him was, Papa, I hope you feel better and better and better.

Sarah Tacy [00:32:00]:
And he held my arms and he kind of smirked and he said, Sarah, how many guys do you know that have lasted this long? Almost Sarah years. And I remember pulling away being like, wait, what? I thought he was 95. And then I remembered that he always likes to celebrate the truth of the amount of time that he has been here on earth, which is that when you turn 95, it means you’ve completed 95 years and the rest of your 95th year, you are you’re living into your 96th year. And so in a few days, and actually probably right before this comes out, would have been his 96th birthday. So he was just maybe a month or 2 away from turning 96, which would have been his 97th year. So as I’m walking away, I’m like, and I thought he was 95, but he seems to be about 97. So the little lesson from this is to celebrate our milestones. And I just love every time that he said goodbye to me the last over the last 10 years, every time we see each other, he’ll tell me how much I mean to him, how much he loves me and my family.

Sarah Tacy [00:33:15]:
And he’ll say goodbye as if it’s the last time he’s going to see me. And this was the first time in a long time that he did not say goodbye like that. That he was just like, Dude, look at me. I’m energized with money. Well, he didn’t say that. I just keep going. So I say goodbye to my grandfather. And I just will always remember that pride that he had in himself and that love that he was sending me and the way he held my arms and the way he smiled and smirked as he looked into my eyes.

Sarah Tacy [00:33:50]:
And, and then, as we’re driving home, I get a call from Steve to let me know that the electricity has just come back on. So it’s been 3 days without electricity and our prayer was, may help arrive before I get home. And so I just felt like that prayer was answered. And that is the end of the Scotland trip. Thank you so much. And next time will be the integration, which is sometimes the most powerful and profound part. May you enjoy whatever adventures you go on this summer, whether they are little trips outside of your home, barbecues with a friend, those little things that are unknown, those moments where you have a chance to come a little bit more alive. It may even be cozying up in a blanket when everybody leaves.

Sarah Tacy [00:34:51]:
May you have opportunities to both make plans and then move with what feels most authentic to you. What pulls you the most? It doesn’t have to be a freezing ocean with a whipping wind with a bunch of women. It could be a conversation over coffee, a walk in the woods, and possibly, possibly going on an adventure in a place that you haven’t yet been, because it wakes up a part of us when there’s new information for us to process new things to question. Until next time. Thank you for tuning in. It’s been such a pleasure. If you’re looking for added support, I’m offering a program that’s totally free called 21 days of untapped support. It’s pretty awesome.

Sarah Tacy [00:35:54]:
It’s very easy. It’s very helpful. You can find it at Sarah. And if you love this episode, please subscribe and like. Apparently, it’s wildly useful. So we could just explore what happens when you scroll down to the bottom. Subscribe, rate, maybe say a thing or 2. If you’re not feeling it, don’t do it.

Sarah Tacy [00:36:15]:
It’s totally fine. I look forward to gathering with you again. Thank you so much.